A Lesson to Learn
A Lesson to Learn
This is a story about what I believe to be a miracle. I admit that these events could possibly be otherwise explained, but I choose to believe that God moved. During one of the earliest of my many sleepless nights during this drama, I felt a strong compulsion to record this story in writing. This is that record.
My experience has also confirmed for me that significant success is often followed by significant danger. History is filled with victims of such danger. For this reason, wise victors and champions make extra efforts to guard against complacency. Holy Scripture contains story after story of the serial failures of God’s chosen people following His miraculous deliveries. For followers of Jesus Christ, Satan seems to increase and renew his attacks each time we are obedient to the Holy Spirit and experience success in a challenging situation. The Gospel of James tells us that we can grow from such trials, but neither growth nor victory is guaranteed. For me, the spiritual high was our April “Created for Connection” (C4C) couples’ workshop. At that event, Dr. Dee, my therapist spouse, and I helped 30 couples learn to become closer to God and to each other. This was our 10th workshop and the reviews for this one were mind-boggling. Clearly, the Holy Spirit had ministered to the participants. We were exactly where God wanted us to be in those moments.
Meanwhile, my knee replacement from six years ago had gone bad- the prosthesis had come loose- (a 1-in-10 chance, I was told) and this was confirmed by Doctor’s visit and an x-ray in June. I had, what the Docs call “start-up pain”: significant discomfort each time I moved after sitting down for a few minutes. It was getting worse, and according to my orthopod, a “total knee revision”- a procedure to replace the replacement- was unavoidable. “Pick a time”, he said, “but sooner rather than later”.
Dr. Dee and I have been facilitating Created for Connection (C4C) couples’ workshops for the past couple of years. These have been my main avocation since my retirement (I call it “re-purposement”) as Director of the Louisiana District Attorneys Association more than two years ago. These workshops have helped to generate significant spiritual and emotional healing in the marriages of scores of couples who have attended. I wanted to make sure that my knee surgery and rehab would not cause us to cancel or postpone a future workshop.
My initial plan was to have the procedure done following our October program so that I could have four months to rehab and heal before our February 2022 workshop, but a nagging feeling compelled me to call and move the surgery up immediately after the August workshop. I was feeling as though Mike Tyson had called me out to fight after school and I wanted to get it over with at lunchtime.
The Trial- As planned, the procedure was done on August 24th, just three days after our August workshop. Everything seemed to have gone well until Dee and I showed up for my 2-week post-op appointment. Before seeing the Doc, I was sent to have a routine x-ray of the revision, then we chatted with the staff while waiting for the Doc.
“I’m afraid I have some good news and some bad news,” my Doc said. “Your revision looks terrific, but the x-ray shows two lesions in the bone marrow of your shin that weren’t there before. I’m afraid that it appears to be cancer, more specifically, Multiple Myeloma. Our Orthopedic Oncologist has reviewed this and is on his way down here now.” My shock was quickly accelerated by the look on his face and the sudden appearance of the oncology specialist. “Could it be something else?”, I asked. “Not likely,” they said. “Your age and the sudden appearance of these lesions indicate Multiple Myeloma. We need to get tests immediately to see if it has metastasized to other bones or organs. We’ll do that immediately.” My shock grew as disbelief again called out: “Are you sure?”, we asked. They glanced at each other, then calmly replied, “There’s at least a 9 out of 10 chance that it’s Multiple Myeloma. By this time, I am bathed in cortisol: The room narrowed; everything became foggy for me. I wanted to comfort Dee, but I couldn’t focus on anything. I was sent off for full body x-rays and blood work. A CAT scan of my internal organs was scheduled for the next morning. We were scheduled to see the oncologist again the day after.
The 40-hour wait for the oncologist appointment was brutal. As we headed home, thoughts of “Why me?” were soon replaced with “Why not me?”. I began to recall a series of old sins that might be coming home to roost. Or maybe this was payback for all the unselfish and charitable things that I had failed to do. Maybe this is Satan blocking our couples’ workshops. My mind was racing trying to make sense of it and, thereby, gain some measure of control. No luck. I was also worried about Dee having to face the prospect of losing me or of nursing a dying husband. All I could say to her was, “I’m sorry.” We both struggled to find words.
Dee immediately began to research Myeloma and to reach out to our friends for prayer support. I wanted to wait until we could get the rest of the picture, but she insisted and started sending emails and making calls. “Pray for healing; pray for the best outcome”, she wrote and called to every list she could find. Meanwhile, I was frozen and numb with my mind racing through every scenario. I began to consider the possibilities: Will the scan show pancreatic, liver, or lung cancer? Would I die in a month? A Year? I began to pray for clarity, comfort, healing, and peace.
At 3am the next morning, I arose from a sleepless night to find Dee, grasping for some control, reading the “Up to Date” medical website, which confirmed our fears: I was a perfect candidate for Multiple Myeloma and it was bad. Multiple Myeloma is treatable but not curable. It is terminal. The next day, I joined her and began to alert my contact lists and to request prayers for “the best outcome.” To my surprise, my Doc called to report that neither he nor the radiologist had found anything “obvious” on the CAT scan. He quickly added that the oncologist may read it differently. Throughout the day, we repeatedly checked “My Chart” and received a series of reports on the many blood tests that had been done, but we had no idea what they might mean. By then, emails and phone calls promising prayer and concern began to pour in throughout that day and evening.
Rising early after another sleepless night, I had my daily quiet time and Scripture reading. I believe that “in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”-Rom 8:28. But, honestly, I could not see how this diagnosis was for “my good.” I wondered, “Do I really love God?”. “Am I not called according to His purpose?”. Pushing these doubts aside, I asked God, “OK, what I am I supposed to learn through this?”. No answer.
My daily devotional and Scripture reading that morning included the following:
· “Finishing Well- Lord, give me a biblical perspective on the circumstances of my life and teach me to pursue a biblical hope and purpose.”. (Ken Boa, Daily Reflections); and
· “Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but I will remember the name of the Lord my God”. (Psalm 20:7)
THE RESULTS- Later that morning, we arrived early for our meeting with the oncologist. He walked in with my file in his hands, sat down, and said, “They are all negative!” What? “All of the results are negative.” “Your tests, scans, and bloodwork are normal.” “What does that mean?” I asked. “It means that you don’t have Multiple Myeloma!” “Well then, what are the lesions?”, I asked. “We don’t know. We can’t biopsy them because that may compromise your shin and also because of your knee revision. We will watch them and see if they grow.” I stuttered, “That’s good news -right?” He finally smiled, “Yes, that’s good news! See you in four weeks.” We staggered out of his office in shock! 40 hours earlier, the doctors had been sure that there was less than a 10% chance it was NOT Multiple Myeloma. Wait! Had I fallen in the 10% category again? Yep! A miracle? Surely! Yet, we are not in the clear yet. We are still 2 lesions short of total victory! Is Mike Tyson still out there? Is he waiting to beat me up in a month? I can’t go there now! Even this much is truly a miracle! God has really answered the prayers of so many who intervened. Now what? First, we got in the car and prayerfully thanked God for this miraculous development. Then we started to make the calls and emails to thank and inform so many who had prayed for us during this scary ordeal.
A MIRACLE? –Was this a miracle or had the doctors just been wrong? Did God, who is beyond the restraints of time, answer our prayers and erase all signs of cancer? While I am aware that cognitive bias is involved in any person’s view of this, I can only report that we, and everyone we reached, saw it as a miracle. During the following days, we shared the story with many who had prayed with us and others that we encountered and were uniformly met with tears and thanksgiving to God.
One couple reported that they had prayed for us, together- on their knees, for the first time in their marriage, and that they were certain that God had responded. At my gym, where, for 30 years prior to my “re-purposement,” I had attended without learning the names of most of my fellow regulars, I gathered three of the people who attend daily and shared the story. When I finished, all three were in tears and thanked me for sharing. One said, “This is so inspirational! I need to get my spiritual life back together.” Each of them have since reported that they have shared the story many times. I continue to receive calls from folks who have heard from others about “the miracle.”
WAITING ON THE LORD- Time moves and doubts begin to invade. The emotional, physical, and spiritual roller-coaster-ride over the following weeks is hard to explain or describe. What will the x-rays show when I go for the next checkup? Did God provide a miracle only to have me suffer or die from another kind of bone cancer? Were the doctors correct all along and maybe the tests results were faulty? Am I really and fully healed? In any event, what am I to learn from all of this? I would be wrestling with these questions for a full month while undergoing knee rehab.
Knee replacement or revision rehab is not for sissies. Experiences may vary, but physical therapy and healing after a knee replacement is one of the most painful experiences one might ever face. I am told that a video of knee replacement surgery can be viewed online, and that it is gruesome to watch. There is apparently lots of sawing and hammering involved. I have not viewed it, nor do I intend to!
Narcotic drugs are needed to offset the effects of all of that sawing and hammering, and to dull the effects of physical torture, needless to say, the side-effects of opioids can also be significant. Chances of addiction and death are less likely than hallucinations, which are less likely than the almost certain prospect of constipation. The good thing about constipation is that it can temporarily make one forget about how badly the knee hurts. Assuming one can get that ship out of the Panama Canal, one must balance weaning oneself from pain killers and the need to fully participate in physical therapy. Less therapy = less recovery.
Physical torture (therapy) begins the day of surgery with a brief stroll around the hospital room. A couple of weeks of home sessions are then followed by out-patient torture conducted by experts with a full array of devices and machines. My out-patient P. T. began exactly three weeks following surgery: a few days after “the miracle.” Twice a week, the already aching and swollen surgery site is stretched, compressed, bent, and otherwise stressed to regain strength and range of motion. Any progress in healing would seem to be destroyed by these sessions; however, this process is necessary to prevent a restricted or stiff joint. Applying ice helps to reduce the inevitable swelling that occurs after P T and thankfully, a neighbor loaned me an ice machine for that purpose. Ordinarily, the motivation to engage in P T and to endure and defeat the attendant pain is the hope of regaining full function. For me, the threat of my “new Mike Tyson” (the 2 lesions waiting and threatening to kick my butt) continued to lurk in the shadows, adding doubts about my ultimate healing and a creeping depression to the difficulty of enduring the pain.
Days became weeks as my psychological, spiritual, and physical battles continued to rage. I questioned myself, “How would live differently if I learn that I only have a year or two remaining?” “How might I be a better partner in my significant relationships?” “How could and would I be a better ambassador for Christ?” “How will I handle my inevitable physical decline and face death?” and finally, “What if all is well?” And, if so, “How would I resolve the questions above?”
As the date of the Doctor visit approached, Dee was also affected. She endured the initial 40-hour trial under post-traumatic distress from her 3 cancer diagnoses- the last of which was just a decade ago. She had also endured a month of emotional, psychological, and spiritual challenges. We both become ultra-sensitive to Scripture readings, prayers, and even dreams, as possible messages from God about this specific situation. One morning Dee tearfully recounts that in her dream she was forced to leave me on a bus headed for an unknown destination. The separation was symbolic. Finally, as the month-long wait was coming to an end, I can describe the common themes in my Scripture readings and meditations as follows: 1) God is in control and will be glorified in the end; 2) Meanwhile, He is our ultimate refuge and our strength; and 3) Everything else is temporary, including what we deem to be “good” and/or “bad.”
THE VERDICT! – On October 5, we arrived early for my “6-week post-op” visit which is clearly dominated by the follow-up x-ray of the 2 lesions on my left shin bone. I am immediately sent to the radiologist who performed the routine pictures of my revision. I sneaked a peek at my shin shot, explaining that I had a spot, and the tech confirmed that there may be something there. The Doc’s nurse asked about any shin pain, then reviewed the x-rays looking for the lesions. The picture was too high. She ordered an immediate full lower leg x-ray, which was immediately done.
First one, then another, of the orthopods viewed the latest x-rays and agreed: there is no sign of the lesions! NOTHING! An animated discussion followed. Both struggled to make sense of the original x-rays, tests, results, or causes for the conflicting data. Both agreed that any kind of cancer or malignancy would grow and not shrink in a four-week period. Both stated that they had performed tens-of-thousands of knee surgeries and had never seen anything like this before. Then they advised me to continue rehab and go play golf, but to come back for a safety checkup in eight weeks or so. Both apologized for scaring us, but I told them that the scare had been a blessing and that God had used it for good. We stumbled out of the office and then-hugging- we tearfully thanked God for this undeserved favor. Still in shock, we began to make calls. On the drive home, I hummed, “GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN”!
As I write this, the joy of sharing this miracle with so many is heightened by the marvelous responses we have received. One friend wrote, “I am so happy and even more focused on my daily conversations with our God after knowing the blessings that HE has bestowed on you and Dee.” Another wrote, “Jesus Christ is an amazing being. HE comforts us in our hour of need, walks with us with hands raised during life’s small victories, and heals our hearts, minds and bodies when we are sick. HE is great!” Dozens of similar responses have filled both of us with wonder and joy. Receiving these responses reminds me that Romans 8:28 promises “good” for “those who Love God and are called according to His purpose.” This situation was certainly a blessing to them and to many more who will hear it retold. I pray that this story will be a seed for some to come to know Jesus.
LESSONS- So what are the lessons to be learned? I am not sure that I fully know yet. There are many that have already become apparent and probably several more will come later. Here are a few things that I have learned:
· I must be grateful for what I have- “You don’t miss your water ‘til the well runs dry”, that’s the title of an old song that speaks volumes. The thought of losing Dee’s companionship was devastating. Yet, one needn’t look far to see similar or greater suffering and grief. So many around us and across the world are dealing with Covid, violence, tragedies, earthquakes, hurricanes, even genocide, and yes, cancer. Those of us who DO NOT suffer from these maladies should be thankful. “Set you mind on things above”, we are told. My men’s group did an exercise a few weeks ago, where we listed the many things for which we were grateful. Try it. Watch what happens.
· I must specifically thank God for each of the things that I listed under the lesson above. I Cor. 4:7 says, (roughly) What do you have that you haven’t been given? If you have been given it, why do act like you earned it? Pride is the greatest path to separation from God. Andrew Murray says that Humility is a right understanding of the Creator by the creature. In humility, I understand that everything I cherish is a gift from God. I must be more thankful to Him.
· God doesn’t just bless people who deserve to be blessed. I did the math. I have no right to be healed- or saved. None of us do. A principle that we share in Created for Connection is that forgiveness is not cheap. It is always costly. I couldn’t pay for mine. Jesus did. Because of my faith in Him, God loves me despite my unfaithfulness. HE performed this miracle for a reason only HE knows, but not because I deserved it.
· This drama provided hope for lots of folks. It was especially poignant to older folks. The death rate is steady at 100%. Many were thinking, “That could be me!”. Some were thinking that it would be unfair for me to get sick and die so soon after my “re-purposement.” The truth is that no one is entitled to a long, happy life. Perhaps God performed this miracle simply to “show off”! After all, “Dog bites man!” is not news. This was truly a “Man bites dog’ story. Here’s a thought: Maybe God is doing similar miracles all of the time and all over the world. Maybe we just don’t notice them. HE is capable. HE is loving. HE is in control. HE will be glorified in the end. Everything else is temporary.
I am sure that there are many more lessons to be learned. I would be grateful to hear your thoughts on this story.
With praise and thanksgiving to our Lord, and thanks to Dr. Dee for patience and prayer,
E. Pete Adams, Pete@epeteadams.com
Visit: www.C4CBR.com.
